Craziness of Aspergers

My step son turned 17 yesterday. I can’t believe we have co-existed in the same house this long. Actually as he has aged, we have started to communicate better. Thinking back to when I met him, right out of 5th grade, WOW we had issues. He had not been diagnosed as of yet and middle school was such a nightmare. Not just for Nick but for myself as well. He attended a VERY large school (Carmel Middle) for 6th grade. I will never forget the day about 2 months into school when we got a phone call. Five kids had held him down and beat him up. I guess my little Einstein wasn’t faring well in the big school. When we went to get him, his whole face was gushing with blood. He had just gotten his braces on the week prior and he was hit so hard, the doctor thought the two front teeth may deaden. This was my first real experience with the challenges he was to face. Can you believe the school suspended Nick for a day for a zero tolerance rule. Apparently, he kicked the kids that were beating him up and ran away. His parents have always taught him to avoid trouble. I as his Step Mom wanted his parents to press charges against the other kids but they did not. Later, this incident kept him out of Fletcher Academy.  He did by the grace of God finish the school year at Carmel Middle School with little accommodations.

The next year because of  ”the incident,” his Mother moved him out to Weddington Middle School. By the end of the first quarter, Nick was getting picked on, on the bus.  At that time, my two biological children were attending Smith Language Academy. I as a parent, thought, maybe a smaller classroom would work for Nick. I knew he was super smart but something is going terribly wrong. I had been at Smith Language Academy for a long time and was a very involved parent. I asked if they would consider taking him in even though he was not in the language immersion program. He was allowed to transfer and I thought all would be better! What started to happen is Nick fell apart. Even with his largest class being 15 kids and the average class 10 or so, he was so disorganized it was crazy. I follow and followed behind him, reminding him to turn in his assignments, pick up worksheets, etc. I was basically visiting his teachers three times a week at least. We would have conferences, penalties, hours at the dining room table doing homework, tears, more tears, more misunderstandings. As parents do you know why your child get’s either A’s or F’s? No in-between? How can they remember their Yugioh cards but not their school work? Finally, I found a doctor Lisa Pennington that did full scale testing on Nick. We found out we do have a little genius IQ wise but other things way below the average scale, and ADHD off the charts. He did get diagnosed and then on to pounding out an IEP. It took us the rest of his 7th grade to get the accommodations to a point where there was just a little success. We had good communications with his 7th grade team, but I was still spending so much time chasing Nick’s homework around. We did see a neurologist (Dr.Tess Nelson) and she prescribed Daytrana patches for Nick. I called that a miracle. When he had his patch on, he was a totally different child that focused and you could reason with him.

Eighth grade came and Nick went back to Smith Language Academy.  By the first quarter it was just like last year, chasing homework, tears, and grades up and down. I finally told my husband that this was sucking the life out of me. I could not help any of our other 3 kids because he was so much work. We started to explore private schools. Our first choice was a school that many of my neighbor’s children attended for different disabilities. Fletcher Academy. We submitted all of our paperwork, our registration fee; I did all the leg work getting the required documents from the previous school counselors. The big day came when we got the call to come in. The administrator sat me down and told me they would not except my step son based on he has Aspergers and was a discipline problem. Now, I knew a lot of children, teachers, and staff at Fletcher Academy. My neighbor’s children at times were in much more trouble than my son. In fact, Nick is one of the gentlest souls you would ever meet. Yes, he is misunderstood and gets frustrated but a discipline problem? I don’t think so. It all stemmed back to 6th grade when he got suspended for getting beat up. The interesting thing is, Fletcher Academy even refunded our non-refundable deposit.

We explored the few other schools in Charlotte that will help children with learning difficulties, and finally chose Manus Academy. They had a few kids with Aspergers at that school. Nick did do so much better in a small classroom that was monitored closely.

Ninth grade we kept Nick at Manus Academy in the college prep program. The class size was larger but not like a high school and the work was self paced. Nick did do okay but by the end of the semesters he seemed to always be WAY behind. The schools solution was for him to go to summer school. Well, that may be fine if you have unlimited funds, not to mention no summer plans, but not for us. Nick stepped up and worked day and night and did finish the school year on time.

When the following year came, we wanted to be sure Nick stayed on task before committing to another year at Manus. Their solution was to put him in a self paced evening class. Two-3 children were in his class and they met 2.5 hours Monday-Thursday. Tuition still went up by the way even with less time at school. Communication was better, Nick stayed on task doing well. The problem was he became very lonely. He is an Aspie that likes socialization but just doesn’t know how to do it.  He requested to move to a public school like the rest of his siblings. We told him that if he finishes the year on time, remembers his patch, and proves he can be successful, we will move him. I was super worried about this one.

Well, so here we are today. Nick just finished his first semester at South Meck Highschool. He definitely is adjusting. He was successful in 2 out 4 of his classes and now has to do an internship or summer school to make up the credit for graduating on time. He now “gets” that high school is hard work and he is stepping up and is now working like crazy. We had one of the best IEP meetings with all his teachers last week. I feel the counselors and teachers really care and “get” Nick. He is also happier being around other kids and having school spirit.

Boy, we have come a long way from 6th grade. I can honestly say Nick has matured and grown out of some of his normal adolescent problems which makes the Asperger’s easier to cope with. He still says inappropriate things at times, is a very tall Einstein (6ft 2in) but doesn’t always have the correct information, and his ADHD comes out when he doesn’t take his Vyvanse. (He took himself off Daytrana.) This brings me to about why am I passionate about building a foundation for a school for these children with social problems.

As I walked the path of a desperate parent, I found there is no place for these mis-understood children. Most special needs schools are for children that are lower functioning, a discipline problem, or other dysfunction but there is no place to nurture the souls of these brilliant kids with so much to say.

In 2008, my friend Liz who also is interested in teaching special needs children called me and asked me to attend a meeting with her. She told me Marty McCarthy had contacted her. Marty just happened to be my former pastor at St. Johns, so I said of course I would. When I got to the meeting, I was blown away that I knew at least 50% of the people there. The meeting lasted over 3 hours and I heard the same story from parent’s just different versions over and over. Yes, there is a need for a school for average to high functioning children with social integration problems. It really has become my passion to build this school as part of the Regent School Systems. Marty McCarthy is doing miracles with building schools. The birth of The Epiphany School of Charlotte is now beginning.

If you have a child or circumstance you would like to talk to me about, as a parent, feel free to call me.

~Donna

704-517-3925